Crazyman, I’m in a pretty similar situation as you, but a little bit younger. I’m actually very excited to start having kids, but I’m definitely a little nervous about how the financial situation will change.
I think you metioned a very good point that you should talk about how you want to raise your kid. I feel like a lot of people think about having a baby, but don’t think about having a teenager or pre-teen. I think before anyone has kids they should have some conversations about religious upbringing, schooling, sports, etc. You’d be surprised how strongly you find yourself feeling about things as seemly harmless as which sports your kids play.
The best thing is to make sure you and your partner are on the same page before you take the jump.
My girl wants kids really bad. She has always felt that way, too. We’ve had a lot of arguments about it - she wants kids soon, I want to wait and adopt an already potty trained kid, blah blah blah.
I used to think like you Crazyman. I did not see myself changing diapers and taking care of a baby. But somehow, the baby popped up in the early years of my marriage and that changed everything (for good).
We still have several sleepless night and get crazy when kid doesn’t let us watch our favorite movie but let me tell you it is the most amazing feeling when you see your kid growing. I cant wait to see her in the evening when I reach home. Though you dont get much alone time with your partner but kid makes your relationship stronger. I feel more connected and want to love my husband more when I see him standing at every step to hold my hand.
Here’s a little twist: My husband want another kid and I dont
2 and half year old…the highs are really high and the lows are really low…I think higgmond sums it up pretty well. I had pushed back intially, but worried that the regret at 45 would be worse than the pain at 33
Two working parents is tough, but doable…day care and grandparents (if you’re lucky)
We had a nanny for the first year and have used daycare since. Both have their advantages and disadvantages. We’ll probably get a nanny again for a year when the second one is born and then the Mrs. will transition to a stay-at-home mom.
The owner of the daycare where my daughter goes drives a 6 Series convertible and the manager drives an E Class. Initial investment is not insignificant though. Start-up costs for Goddard are about $700,000 minimum and $150,000 has to be equity.
Some of the day care places near where I live charge over $20k per year. Wtf? Maybe this is worth looking into. I mean, how hard can it be? Just throw some toys and cookies around and play Spongebob. Kids just sit around, sleep, and punch each other, right? Right?
gosh you guys all seem so mature…kids/partner…sounds like sci-fi me…both my parents were working when i was a kid and i would spend much time at their office after school since no one was home…for the longest time i didn’t even have a computer at home…lol…there were times when there was no space for a desk in my room coz it was so tiny…kids these days do grow up in relative luxury…
I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want kids. I mean what the hell are you going to do in your 50s? Be that the old creepy dude at the club? To each his own, I guess.
But if you are thinking kids I would suggest trying right away. So many people think it’s like flipping a switch and bam you have a kid. Many people have issues having kids and once you pass 30 it’s gets harder and harder. And then there’s miscarriages which happen in about 50% of pregnancies (again this number rises with age). Take that into consideration and you can go from a hesitant 30 ya to desperate 35 ya looking very quickly.
Mid to late 20s, got married about a year ago. When we got married, the wifey wanted to wait atleast 4-5 years and have kids in early 30s. but for the past month she says she sees signs that we should start trying… alotta pressure from both of our moms, all our cousins and friends are having babies, my brother just had a baby boy a couple of days ago, we ended up going to vegas out of the blue last weekend (we had planned we’d go before we had kids). And on top of that, the fact that some of our cousins/friends are trying but can’t have babies scares the crap out of her…
i want kids, but i still think we should wait atleast a year before we start tying… we’ve only been married a year and had a long distance relationship so i feel we should spend more time alone before we start a family. I know she feels the same way but then gets all emotional when she sees one of her “signs”…
yea the female biological clock is highly susceptible to peer pressure and easily triggered by fear. I know 1 guy, was a mutual friend, that actually used this to scare a girl into leaving her bf (they were together for 3 years and were the happiest couple I knew), then he tried to pursue her himself. She had just crossed age 30 around that time. He wasn’t successful getting her, but it destroyed the original couple.
My parents were both business owners and not home a lot, so we had a live in nanny until I was about 3 or 4, then she moved out but stayed with us full time to look after me and as the house keeper.
There are a ton more options than kids or be creepy. Granted, most people are that uninspired, unoriginal and pathetic. But there are tons who aren’t that way. Things you can do range from Gary at http://everything-everywhere.com/ who basically travels full time and runs a travel blog (he’s now sponsored, orignally it just started off as him traveling). He loves every minute of him, I’ve spoken to him and others who’ve met him. When I was ultra running, I’d frequently race with active 40 and 50 something childless couples that are still a part of that social scene and constantly travel and enjoy the same things they did when they were 20. They’re fit as hell too and don’t look a day over 30. I think its great to see these people still enjoying life and having social lives outside of their homes. Personally, I think it’s kind of depressing to see how many couples get married then cut themselves off from the outside world together. They all say they won’t, but in the end they mostly do. Also, realize that if you have kids when you’re 30, those kids will be 20ish when you’re 50, so while you’re asking “What will you do when you’re 50?”, realize you’ll be seeing those kids about 3 times a year while they’re in college after sacrificing your social lives for them. You’d quite likely be much more lonely than the couples still living their lives.
