Hey all, thanks for sharing your thoughts about online dating sites. Looks like it could be a useful “call option” – worst case scenario, even if a guy doesn’t find anyone interesting he can just ween away from the site pretty easily. Does anyone have any online dating horror stories? Also, how is it that the girls there so often look way better online or in person? Are all their photos doctored or professionally airbrushed?
Great call on the salsa dancing, by the way. I forgot to mention that I had dated an investment banker for 1.5 years while I lived in Texas, who also happened to be a cheerleader in college. In whatever spare time we had, we would either hang out or take salsa classes (she was really good, I was just training my two left feet). Since then, I’d actually kept up with it and help co-lead the salsa performance team at my business school.
Anyway, I totally agree that being a decent salsa dancer as well as a non-skeevy, non-obese professional male could be a differentiating factor on the dance floor. What’s ironic is that I used to go salsa quite a bit, but really didn’t go at all since I had been with my ex-girlfriend over the last year and totally had forgotten about using dance as an outlet. It’s like part of me died when I was seeing this girl, as bad as that sounds. Maybe it’s time for me to hit the dance floor again to make sure I haven’t lost my mojo.
I’ve been doing Tango and Forro’ lately, and it’s been great. I used to do Salsa and Merengue, but tango attracts a pretty sophisticated crowd, and forro is just loads of fun, so that’s where I’ve been these days.
Numi, online dating is not right for you. While many have hinted that it’s a nice medium for efficiently meeting a rising star female Numi equivalent, that is quite the exception to the rule. As someone who has looked at online dating in NYC, I can tell you the quality is not there (both paid and free sites).
Usually you can categorize females into the following buckets.
I’m 29, working as a nanny/Zumba instructor while finishing my associates degree at U of P.
I’m 28, moved to NYC from Alabama, love drinking cans of Natties but also love wearing heels and a little black dress, and need a man who understands that I appreciate the finer things more often than not. Please be well educated and have a good solid career.
I’m a single mom.
I’m divorced, bitter, have an axe to grind, and want to take out my frustrations from my failed marriage on someone new.
I’m pretty, educated, ambitious, and simply do not have time to get out and meet quality guys (bar scene is over). I’m looking forward to hearing from nice guys who have similar interests.
As you can see, 20% (at best!) is all that’s worth dating from the online pool. The rest of the population is damaged goods who NEED to go online as a desperate last resort. Someone like yourself should stick with friends of friends or mingle in the various high class social events that you attend. Heck, even join a tennis club to meet others. Trust me on this one, the probability of finding a Numi female equivalent online is slim to none!
The problem with the one viable category (#5) is that they are often so ambitious and driven that now that they’ve decided it’s time to date they approach it like everything else and use this calculated interview approach. They also tend to be super cold personalities.
The challenge with the real world is that as people start pairing off, it becomes difficult just to find people who are single and available. The online world helps resolve that, since pretty much everyone is there because they are looking.
As CFAvsMBA notes, there are plenty of damaged goods online, but there’s plenty out there in the regular world too. The only thing about online is that the relative anonymity of online sites in large cities allows some people who are a little wackier than normal some extra room to be wacky. And - let’s face it - who isn’t a little damaged or jaded after we’ve been around the block a few times and - for whatever reason - find ourselves single again after the ripe old age of 22.
One thing that’s nice about the social dancing world is that a lot of people pick it up after they have split up and decide need to re-ignite their social connections, so there are plenty of single people going there.
I couldn’t meet a girl at a dance class. Let’s say the relationship takes off. Several months later I’m back to being lazy and want to stay home and watch TV on a Sat night. She’ll bug me to go out but I’ll be like “no, there’s nothing to do.” Then she’ll be like, “let’s go dancing!” Then I’ll have to be like, “I hate dancing with every fiber of my being. I just did it to meet chicks.” Then she realizes our relationship was based on a lie, we break up, and she takes the dog we just rescued from an animal shelter. I would have loved that dog.
Haha, this is so true- expect to be trapped into going dancing for life. After several months w/ a girl, you’re no longer deparate to bang, and going dancing is literally the last thing you’ll want to do.
I second the friends idea. Online dating is fine but with friends at least you have some connection to the other person. But then again, I’m no expert on this.
On related/less serious note, I think there’s a business opportunity for dating for finance professionals. Or broadly, dating sites by profession - for doctors/teachers etc etc…
Give it a try. I had some success with it, and defintley met some smart, attractive women. You do have to sift through heaps of garbage, but if you make your profile funny then they chicks that get your humor will email you and self select their intelligence/sense of humor for you. Then, you just have to go through appearance, which takes little time. People i met online:
26 y/o nonprofit exec, half Vietnamese/half black. Hot, but had 2 crazy dogs…so, could say single for a reason if you can’t deal with the dogs.
28 y/o nurse practitioner, white (Italian), very wholesome, curl up and watch a movie type of girl. Just met her too early after break up so never went anywhere serious.
27 y/o art history Phd, rich, white. 5’0", cute and artsy, intellectual. Drinks like a fish, hangs with musicians.
So, while none of the above stuck they filled the gap between serious relationships and absolutely could have stuck if I had been in the right frame of mind.
My friend met a 19 year old on there when he was 29 and they are still together. She just turned 21. So, you can easily go younger, but I found that pretty boring after a initial novelty. I mean, she was hot (checked the tall, big boob, model boxes) and she was commensurably dull to hang out with. But different strokes, so that is an option too.
Okay, so, great, everybody seems to think it’s cool. My issue? What happens when somebody you ACTUALLY know sees you on the online dating site and ousts you on Facebook? Online dating is just… not cool for under 30. So, over 28-30 and you’re good to go it’s almost normal at that age, because you dont have to be the old clubber creeping chicks. below 28 and you’re suppose to be able to pull chicks on the dance floor or off of a bar stool. Me… can’t seem to do that consistently enough to be content.
This actually happened to me. I still haven’t recovered from the shame. I feel like I’ll never be able to show my face on Facebook again. I lost my job, my money, my house. My family disowned me. Children throw rocks at me and old women spit at my feet. My only friend is a toothless hobo named Tweak. Everything I hold dear has been taken from me, especially my pride. And to think, all for a chance at some strange.
A couple of my friends did it a while back and my buddies and I gave them a hard time when we found out. But when they consistently and easily brought home above average talent it was no longer funny.
