Regrets on letting one get away

I found myself reflecting on the girls I’ve dated, and looking back, I realized one ex-gf really was marriage material, and she had the whole package. But I’ll admit I was younger then, didn’t fully appreciate what I had, and didn’t want to settle down at the time, so we went our ways. Feel regret sometimes, because it’s hard to say if an opportunity like that would come again.

At least I know what to look for now. Anyone else let a great girl go?

Yeah I screwed up similarly.

She became like Rhodes Scholar or something…

How long ago was it, iteracom?

If it was a while back, you can write her a letter saying how you were remembering her and thankful for all the great times you had with her. Women love that stuff, especially if it’s on paper, so they can store it in a secret place and reread it whenever they feel down.

Maybe she will write back and tell you what is up in her life. If she’s single still, at some point you can tell her that you still think she’s wonderful and that since you last spoke you’ve grown and changed for the better and would like to be a stronger, better BF for her this time around. Assuming you didn’t leave her in a really nasty way, she’ll love that, because it’s the stuff of fairy tales and handsome princes, etc…

Personally, for me, I can’t say that any past GF is “the one that got away.” I know why I was with each one; I know why each one didn’t work." I sometimes regret “what almost could have been” (particularly with my most recent ex), but I’m always aware that what I miss is “what I think it could have been,” and not “what it actually was.” When I make sure to remember “what actually was,” it’s easy for me not to reminisce irresponsibly.

If you think “what it could be” is achievable, and repeating “what it was” is avoidable, it’s worth getting in touch.

Big pond, lot’s of fish.

It ain’t worth fretting over. Life is full of second chances.

Yeah BChad!

I was seeing another girl around the same time I was seeing my now wife (met them both over the summer, one went to school where I did other, my now wife, went to a school 2 hours way). Everything was perfect until I was in my room with now-wife late one evening and not-wife came in the room - I wish I could flip that into an awesome story IEV would be proud of but I can’t…

Situation went nuclear and I chose now-wife, although during a brief break I reached out to not-wife and we talked a little - I made the right choice but I was glad that I reconnected.

I think you should do the same - what’s it cost? You could always ‘lightly’ facebook stalk her and check up, see if she’s married, stayed hot, whatever… Don’t get too emotionally invested on the front end or when initiating (assuming you’re going to reconnect and get married like some sort of channing tatum movie), but be open to it and give it a shot is my advice.

I agree with Tikka. I regretted one once, but the next one was younger and hotter, that’s how it usually works. Keep improving yourself and you over time you can’t miss. Ran into that one specific ex a while back and decided she was kind of annoying, so now I’m glad it didn’t work out. Regret is a wasted emotion.

Good advice bchad,

Yea the break wasn’t any disaster or blow-up, I had an opportunity elsewhere and moved away, and after a while, the distance kinda split it apart. But we were together a good 2 years and never had any big fights and the split was sad for both. My choices at the time were: take the relationship to the next level or move on.

Yep, my “one that got away” is now in in her 30’s and underappreciated me and the girl I’m now banging is 20, blonde, and Swedish. She also adores me and let’s me do whatever I want.

I’ve got friends that are 40 who are a little worried about settling down, but that’s a long ways off for us. That’s a decade to bang as many women as you can until you find one that you like.

Respect. Never cry over spilled milk.

yeh I got two. A GF I had for 5 years, we broke up nearly a year ago now.

And one I was going out with for about 3 or 4 months, broke up maybe 2 months ago. I had a headspin and decided I ahd to end it, as it was the honorable thing to do as i couldnt see myself staying in the country long term. About a month later she texted me for a booty call and I reneged (because it was 1am and i had managed to score another chick that very night). THings didnt end badly, but aobut a week ago I texted her to see if she still wanted to catch up, as after I reneged that last time, she texted me the next day to ask if I wanted to meet up as she is really missing me. Anyway She never responded to that text, which I find kind of weird (she has two phones though, so could be she doesnt use this one anymore). Nevertheless, should I let sleeping dogs lie or what?

My wife got into Harvard Law School, but she didn’t go. She got married to me instead. I have a feeling that I might end up being the source of regret…

… yeah, for you. She could be making a million bucks a year by now.

I had a girlfriend for just six months before I relocated to Switzerland. Our time together was so nice that we tried to keep our relation alive for years, but it was just not possible. Unfortunately after a while I just tried to bang her as often as possible knowing there was nothing left between us. She realized that and eventually we lost communication. I was a pig in my 20s.

“The saddest thing is when the relationship is over… and only one of you knows it.”

-Margaret Cho

damn… Harvard law eh… that’s one of those ‘once a lifetime’ opportunities. But if I knew it was the one, I would probably do the same

I think what we (she) decided is that Harvard is not that magic once you look at the numbers. As long as you attend a top 10 or so law school, you are virtually guaranteed a Big Law Firm job if you rank in the top 50% or so of your class. Seriously, it’s usual for students in those schools to get over 20 assigned interviews. “Assigned” meaning the school tells the law firms which candidates they can talk to, not the other way around. Big Law Firm compensation is very standardized, and after a few years, your work experience is far more important than your education (like any job).

cool. good to know

Ohai, bro, I hope you’ll never need it, but you may consider keeping some money on the side, just in the unlikely event your marriage at some point in the future experiences a rough patch, and your wife decides it’s about time to leave you with $200 bucks in life savings. Nothing but my best wishes though.

Ouch. Necessary?

Um… thanks…?