Very few men would volunteer to be the stay at home dad - because it’s tough!
- Nana Hachiko
I’d rather say: because it’s not appreciated.
I think it’s very appreciated if one can do a good job. think about it, we all remember grandma’s cooking and mother’s day is always more celebrated than father’s day.
What men don’t understand is the social aspect of being a stay at home wife, having to work all day without breaks and without much social interactions with others (other than your kid), is perhaps the toughest thing to do.
^ Men provide little value to kids under 10. We become important as the kid grows up.
Stay at home dads aren’t sexy. They are one step above the unemployed dude living in his mom’s basement.
I think it’s the lack of movie/ tv show portrayal of stay at home dads. If there are more beloved characters on tv who are stay at home dads, people’s perspective may change.
In case the kid still finds you important after having spent 10 years “without” the father and always listening to mother’s comments like “Your father is never here when we have a problem…”
Sure it’s appreciated by the family (normally) but not by society. How many times do I hear “she is just a stay at home mom, she is on paid vacation”.
Only men who have never taken care of a child full time would say something awful like that.
And i don’t often hear that.
Mom’s words are poison sometimes even if she doesn’t mean it in the long run. It’s those quips in the heat of the moment that have a lasting affect on a childs relationship with their father. Sad that such pettiness can shape a childs view on the world.
You would never marry a stay at home.
I would!
Actually i find men who can cook and take care of kids very charming!!!
A Harvard-trained sleep doctor has come up with the best program to address the sleep issues. He has authored a widely available book: Say Goodnight to Insomnia which is extremely effective.
He also has a website: www.cbtforinsomnia.com
His techniques have nearly a 100% success rate.
FTFY
You come from a very different culture. If the couple divorces in the USA, the home dad still has to pay alimony and ends up being a deadbeat dad cause he has no career obviously. Few women would want to take that risk, just like no men in western countries would let the wife take complete care of all the financial stuff / family budget.
I dont’ think it’s culture, it’s just that NANA is out there in terms of preferences.
I’m pretty sure in a culture of pride like Japan, being a stay home dad is grounds for hari kari.
Clearly stay home dads are not the norm in Japan. There are some though, and it’s getting more and more accepted.
But i think if the marriage goes south it doesn’t matter who goes to work it is still a disaster.
Sumz,
your last post was a couple of weeks ago so you may have reached a resolution already. in case not, however, i wanted to share how i would approach it.
i imagine that your mother-in-law is very interested to see your husband pass the exam. i would expect that she will be very proud of him when he passes. i would use this, plus the fact that he is so busy at work, to my advantage. my plan: i would develop a study schedule (in terms of readings) that coincides between the two of us. then, i would offer to make flashcards, summaries of the readings, etc. that my husband can use to make his study more efficient. then, i would explain to my mother-in-law that, as a dedicated wife, i need additional time to work on these things so that my husband has the best possible chance of passing, despite his busy schedule and other stresses he’s feeling.
the result (theoretically): you look like a supportive wife in the eyes of your mother-in-law because you’re dedicating yourself to something that is important to your husband. you also get the true benefit, which is the additional time to learn the material yourself, making you as prepared as possible for exam day.
i also would defintely hire the maid to take some pressure off of yourself.
good luck!
Thanks much for the feedback! Sounds like a good idea! I’ll try to work around it.
One strategy I am using is study with husband on weekends full time (even weekdays if he is studying) MIL don’t bother me that time as expected. Perfect time to maximise study session!
Unfortunately couldn’t find maid who can come frequently. So, surviving on maid coming just once or twice a week.
I am Half way through the curriculum as yet though I want to speed up badly!
PS: Listening to Ethics with eyes closed just before bed time is doing wonders to my sleep! 
are fellow cfa/cfa candidate better life partners? is there a ‘natural selection’ going on here?